just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
