Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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