no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
