so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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