I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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