We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
