Little spoons don't ask big questions
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
