just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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