That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
