I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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