So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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