i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
