I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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