Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize