Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
