Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
