The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize