fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
