I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
