If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
