Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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