oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
