There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
