Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
