so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
