I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
vagina is talking i cant
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
