Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize