It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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