just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
