96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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