We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
