I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
