she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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