Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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