When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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