i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
