In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize