last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
