Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
