I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
