Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
