I think my vagina is haunted
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
