Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize