fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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