Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
