we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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