he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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