Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you win again, gameday.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
