I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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