Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
