I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
