i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
