On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
