you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
