everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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