we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
