Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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