Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
