There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
