Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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