Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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