apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
