I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
