Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
