The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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