remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
