I smell stomach acid.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
