I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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