yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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