I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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