On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
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