I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
