She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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