so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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