i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
