I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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