My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
