i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
