Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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