some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We talked him into tasing himself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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