I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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