3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
