i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
