My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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