I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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