If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
