just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
