There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
