I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
