i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
