he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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