Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
false alarm, still single
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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