Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
